Jesus is Enough

The one dark cloud during Ryan's final game was a painful one for him and, honestly, for Mommy and Daddy too. It's so hard to watch your kids being treated poorly, especially by adults who should be looked up to and modeled.

During the season, almost everyone on the team wanted a chance to pitch except Ryan. He was content to play all the other positions and let the other kids jockey for a chance to pitch. However, for some reason during the last game one of the coaches asked Ryan if he wanted to pitch, and Ryan was excited and said he did. The coach told him he could pitch during the next inning, and I braced myself for that (he can't even get the ball to the plate, so I knew it would be tough for him once he got the chance to do it).


However, the inning came and went and Ryan never pitched. Then he was told he could pitch second in the next inning, but again they never changed the pitcher. The last inning was upon us and the coach told Ryan that after two outs, they would bring him in to pitch the final out. As you can guess by now, two outs came and the outfield coach (the current and "star" pitcher's dad) who was standing right next to Ryan ignored Ryan's reminders that it was his turn to pitch. The final out was made. Ryan's heart was crushed. Mommy and Daddy were angry. Ryan hadn't ask to pitch. This coach planted the idea, encouraged it, and then stomped on it.


Ryan, dumbfounded that this adult that he trusted lied to him, couldn't hold back the tears. As the rest of the team was celebrating, Daddy comforted Ryan. It wasn't so much that he was disappointed that he didn't get a chance to pitch but that this coach flat-out lied to him not once, not twice, but three times. I was surprised that by the time I got to go give him a hug he was actually doing pretty well (almost a miracle for my reactive littly guy). When I asked if he was feeling better, Ryan told me that Daddy reminded him that Jesus is the only one who will never disappoint us and He can always be trusted. Jesus is enough!

(As a footnote to this, Ed told the coach that Ryan was upset and asked the him to talk to Ryan, which he did. We didn't get to hear what he said, but Ryan said he told him if he played for him again next year he would let him pitch. An apology instead of another empty promise would have been more appropriate, don't you think?)

Exposure

Sometimes I get discouraged when I read some blogs where the families seem to have it all together, there's one success story after another, and everyone is always in harmony with never a hint of strife or chaos. I know that's not the way anyone's life really is, and it certainly isn't the way my life is. I try to keep Ryan's and Abby's blogs fairly positive because I don't want to seem like I am "tattling" on my kids or putting their sinfulness on display, but it's uncomfortable sometimes because on the other hand I don't want to seem like I'm bragging or that we don't have struggles. I know at least one of their birthparents read the blogs (I've made it known and available to all of them) and I want them to see how incredible their children are and what a blessing they are in our lives!

The intent of this blog originally was more of a journal of my thoughts, struggles, and things along the way that God is teaching me. I've tried to be transparent about some of my struggles and frustrations, but it's hard to dig deep and expose myself. I'd much rather people only saw the bright side, the parts where I'm growing, and the successes, and from most of the blogs I see, that's how most people feel too.

When I look at my most frequented blogs, I find that they are not the ones where everything looks perfect. I am strangely encouraged when I read about other people struggling with similar issues that I have and when I see people who do not have it all together but they are still fighting the good fight, people who fail and repent and get up and try again. That's where I live, not in the glory of success day after day but in the fight against sin and pride and complacency with glimpses of victory here and there.

Just on the off chance somebody else likes to know that others struggle, here's a list of eight things I fail in regularly. Some are outright sin, while others are just ways in which I am not meeting my own standards.

• I yell at my kids.


• I still haven't finished reading through the Bible in a year that I began September 2006.


• I snap at my hubby.


• I often avoid a particular neighbor instead of sharing Christ's love.


• I have never mopped the floor of my laundry room in the 29 months we've lived here.


• I have unrealistic expectations of people, particularly Christian leaders.


• I avoid homosexuals whenever possible.


• I am four years behind in scrapbooking my kids' lives, even though I have all the supplies.

Be encouraged:

The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently For the salvation of the LORD. Lamentations 3:22-26

Interruptions

This devotion from Elisabeth Elliot was in my inbox last Friday, and I have been pondering over it ever since.

We like things to go smoothly and as planned. Very often unexpected things intervene, and our plans go awry. We think we've got "problems." There is another level at which everything that happens is being engineered. "God has no problems," Corrie ten Boom said, "only plans." When ours are interrupted, his are not. His plans are proceeding exactly as scheduled, moving us always (including those minutes or hours or years which seem most useless or wasted or unendurable) "toward the goal of true maturity" (Rom 12:2 JBP). Believe God. Turn the interruptions over to Him. He is at the controls.

I like structure and routine, especially when it comes to my day with my kids. My son particularly needs to know when and how things are going to happen or he doesn't cope well (he even needs to know how many pages are in a chapter before he starts reading it!). However, it's a rare day in our house when my plans aren't "interrupted" or changed, usually by my daughter. She still hasn't learned the self-control she needs to keep out of things and can make a mess faster (and more thoroughly) than anyone I've ever known. She also has a remarkable gift for knowing the exact moment that her curiosity will be the most inconvenient and irksome for me.

I have been asking God to give me patience for the daily chaos that seems to be the norm around our house, but maybe it's not so much patience that I need as much a new perspective. I know that her character and love for Christ are so much more important than learning her alphabet or getting housework done, but I don't act like it when I get angry or impatient with her for squirting toothpaste all over the sink (and walls, and mirror, and floor...) or some other such "interruption." I pray He will give me the grace I need to see these interruptions in a new light, to see them as a Divine appointment to show love and grace and mercy to my sweet little girl and perhaps to train her in the way she should go.

Lessons for Mommy

As part of his daily schooling, Ryan reads aloud to me one chapter of a book from our chosen curriculum. His latest book is called Little Prudy's Dotty Dimple and was written in 1865 by Sophie May. Today's chapter had the oldest two girls (nine and six years old) being humiliated and embarrased by their littest sister's naughty and rude behavior (three years old). I had to smile at the end of the chapter when the oldest said,

"I've been thinking it all over," replied Susy, "and I've made up my mind that God allows her to mortify you and me. You know we must have some kind of a trial, or we shouldn't grow gentle and sweet tempered."

"As mother is," added Prudy.

After having an especially trying morning with one of my darling children, this was a gentle nudge from the Lord for me. It's a wasted "trial" if I am not changed by it, not more dependant on Him because of it, and not growing more "gentle and sweet tempered" through it.

How Did You Do?

Last year, I started reading through the Bible with the Bible in a Year email program. I chose to read it chronologically to hopefully help me straighten out some timelines in my head that always seem to get mixed up. I have to confess I haven't finished, in fact I haven't even made it to the New Testament yet, though I'm almost there. I was zipping along reading every day up until about the end of Februrary when things went a little crazy with my daughter. I got way behind and overwhelmed and I never caught back up.

I printed out the schedule for each month, and I am slowly making my way through it. A couple of you had said you were going to join me, and I was wondering how you did. Did you finish? If so, that's great! If not, I'm right there with you! I will plug along and I think I will be finished by the end of the year.

Are You Broken?

The Broken Beloved

Today We Baked Cookies

A few days ago Ryan came up to me and asked, "Mommy, how come we don't make cookies any more?" Guilt flooded over me, and I wanted to cry. It has been months since things have been "normal" around here. I have been consumed by trying to get all of Abby's "school" done and Ryan's school done, making meals and still maintain a fairly clean house. We have also added swimming lessons for each of the kids twice a week, and then there's the zillion regular things that need to be done each week. But the hard truth is that I haven't MADE it a priority to spend some fun quality time with my kids. We used to go to the park or for walks, paint and do crafts, bake cookies and make cards for grandparents, etc. We haven't done any of that since about February, and I need to let some housework go and focus on having some fun with my kids.


Why is it one of the hardest things for me to do, sit down and play when there is laundry to be folded and dishes to be washed and floors to be mopped, etc.? I like things orderly and clean. It gives me security and peace and calm, but what gives my children security and peace is knowing they are more important the house and laundry, knowing that Mommy enjoys being with them and playing with them. So by God's grace I am going to again make them one of my top priorities and move housework lower on the list. I recently heard someone say in reference to parenting, "The days are long, but the years are short," and I know that is so true. I want to enjoy these precious years with my children and not look back and be full of regrets. I want to put feet to my convictions right away, so today we baked cookies...

Going Crazy?

This week I have been feeling like every day is spinning wildly out of control, and today was no exception. As I sought a minute's escape from the demands and chaos of my day this afternoon, I read this timely article and heard the Lord speak to me through Ann...again. If you're feeling like you're going a "touch crazy," this post may bring you back to Peace or maybe even to Him for the first time.

Growing through Affliction

Recently, I have had so many posts in my head that I've wanted to write, but our circumstances at present have just not afforded me the free time I need to do so. During the last several weeks God has been teaching me much about grace and love and obedience and walking by the Spirit. I still have much to learn, but I am grateful for how He has been using some difficult circumstances to draw me closer to Himself and to help me more effectively put into practice what I say I believe.

Elisabeth Elliot defines suffering as "having what you do not want or wanting what you do not have." On the continuum of suffering, my portion is miniscule, but like everyone else, I would prefer to be comfortable and free from all suffering. My flesh rails against the chaos, turmoil and unpredictability that has been our lives the last couple of months. It's not in me naturally to be calm and joyful in the midst of confusion and bedlam; I need His supernatural power. So like the psalmist, I am learning that I can thankfully say

It is good for me that I was afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes. (Psalm 119:71)

In the past I have encountered trials that I have fought against, sulked over, despaired under and questioned God about only to come through them thanking God for having allowed them in my life for His glory and my refining. By His grace and mercy, this time around I am choosing to thank Him on the front end for this small portion of affliction and to allow Him to do with it what He will in my life and the lives of those around me.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. (Ephesians 3:20-21)

Quiet Time

I loved this post from Ann at Holy Experience.

I am not a naturally early riser, and my children are very early risers. I try to get up earlier than they do so I can spend some time with the Lord before my day begins. I don't do well at concentrating deeply or focusing intently on anything once the kids are up and so I tend to want to be alone when I'm having my "quiet time" with the Lord, but I read this post a couple months ago and what a fantastic model this would be for my kids. I am a long way from making this scene happen in our home regularly, but it has given me something to think about.